


Dishabiliophobia

by bringmesomepie



Series: Fear Series [52]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Has Doubts, Dean Has Trust Issues, Dishabiliophobia, Eating Disorders, Family Feels, Fear of undressing in Public, IVF, M/M, Past eating disorder, Pregnant Castiel, Shy Castiel, True Love, former anorexic Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-01 03:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12148062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bringmesomepie/pseuds/bringmesomepie
Summary: He was doing this for his lover. They wanted a family and the bottom in the relationship couldn't. He was confident enough to step up to the plate, well...mostly...





	Dishabiliophobia

“Seriously, Cas? I’m your boyfriend. You can get naked in front of me. God knows I’ve done it to you way before we started dating.” Dean huffed. “I’ll get naked with you. I don’t care.”

“This is my doctor’s appointment. Can you just wait outside while I change into the ugly gown?” Cas scratched his neck. “Please, Dean?”

“Whatever, Man. It’s not like we’ve been dating for seven years. It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.” Cas blushed. “Granted when we do make love we do it strictly under the covers, but we do see each other nude.”

“You’re the only person outside of family to see my body. I still get nervous.” The Novak gripped the hem on his shirt. “Please, Dean, it will just be a minute.”

Dean sighed. “I want to be here for the IVF process.”

“You will, but not for me changing into the hideous gown.” Cas smiled. “I’m sorry again…that you can’t carry our baby. I know you really wanted that.”

“It’s ok. We both know the difficulties. Anorexia made me infertile as a carrier. I am sorry about that.”

“Never apologize about your illness. You’re better again. We gonna have a baby together. Now , please, just step out for 2 minutes.” Cas snapped.

“Alright!” Dean lifted his hands in surrender. “Geez, you’re persistent.”

“I love you, too.”

_**(* &^%$#@$%^&*(*&^%$#%^&*** _

Cas trudged out of the bathroom after a rough session with the toilet. He groaned as he sat down at the kitchen table. “I knew there was a reason I was always the top.”

“I love you so fucking much for doing this for me. It means the world to me.” Dean sat down and placed a plate of tummy settling foods. “Toast, egg whites, crackers, and a glass of water.”

“Great…flavorless, tasteless, but filling…I guess.” Cas frowned as he grabbed his fork. “Are you not eating?”

“I ate while you were in the bathroom.” Dean waved it off.

“Dean…” Cas glared.

“I swear I’m not lying, Sweetheart.” Dean rose to his feet. “I have to get to work. Call me if the throwing up gets worse. Call 9-1-1 if you are showing signs of dehydration. Keep sipping on water. Keep crackers on your person. I love you.”

“Wait,” Cas gripped Dean’s wrist. “You’re talking fast, avoiding eye contact, spouting off information. You’re lying to me. Are you relapsing, Dean?”

“No, I’m fine, Cas. Worry about yourself for once. The past five—six, seven, eight—fuck ten years have been centered around me. You’re have my babies, Angel.”

“9 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, 5 days to be exact.” Cas mumbled.

“Since what?” Dean stopped in the doorway.

“Since I fell in love with you.” Cas looked dopely at his boyfriend. “It was also the day you confessed to starving yourself after you passed out in front of your whole family.”

“How did you fall in love with me that day? I was a mess.”

“I got to see a real side to you. Less than 3 years later we became a thing.” Cas smiled softly.

Dean smiled, walked over to his boyfriend and kissed the top of his head. “September 18, 2008.”

“What?”

“That’s when I fell in love with you. You stayed with me through all of my first hospital stay. Dean ran his fingers through Cas’s hair. “I love you so much, don’t exert too much energy. Three weeks and you will have entered the second trimester.”

“That’s the goal. Eat something, please. It will make me stop worrying.” Cas insisted.

The Winchester cupped Cas’s cheeks. “I’m not hungry, Angel. I really have to go to work.”

“Why did we decide to have children?” Cas rose to his feet. Dean stopped in place. “I thought it was so we could have a family. You were healthy and we were finally ready, but now I’m having second thoughts.”

“Why are you having second thoughts?” Dean sounded more annoyed than concerned. “We are fine. We were ready. I don’t need your guilt on me for ruining my body.”

Cas sniffed. “I’m sorry. Everything with food scares me still with you. I don’t blame you, but I was just worried that you were relapsing.”

“Yeah, after everything we have been through you still don’t trust me. Of course, you only let me watch you undress is during the tiny bit of foreplay we have before sex.” Dean yelled.

“I. Don’t. Blame. You! We all have flaws!” Cas stepped over to his lover. “I just wanna make sure you are both physically and mentally healthy before we add more stress to our lives. You don’t understand how scared I was while you were sick. I thought I was going to lose you. I don’t ever want that to happen.”

Dean sighed. “How about this? I’m trying to be good and not relapse. I got help, but what have you done to help with your fear of undressing? Nothing.”

Cas watched the man he loved walked out of their house. The Novak walked over to the sink. It was clean, no plates, no silverware, expect his own. He frowned. Dean was right. He was so obsessed with making sure the Winchester are, that he still never fix his…problem.

He tried to call Dean throughout the day, but each time it went to voicemail. _‘Dean, I’m sorry. I’m always worried. I know you aren’t going to relapse, especially now, but after everything my brain jumps to conclusion. Call me, please?”_

The Winchester came home around 4 and immediately hugged his lover. “Stop calling me, please. It’s ok, Darling. I lied to you. I’m not fine. You having morning sickness, the baby, cutting your hours at work and overtime at mine…it’s been stressful. I have skipped more than a few meals and I have lost…some—weight. Bobby and Benny found me on the ground in the storage room. I don’t even remember going in there.”

Cas pulled back. “Shut up and take my shirt off.”

“W-Wh-what?” Dean stuttered.

“Undress me, Dean. I need one person I can trust with to help me get over this thing…” Cas tugged Dean’s pants as his digits dipped inside the trousers. “I love you too much to force you not to watch me during foreplay.”

“Oh, Cas…honey, when you are ready we can do this. You don’t have to do this, now, just because I want you to. What good is that gonna do?” Dean ran his fingers through Cas’s hair. “I’m tired and Sam is gonna kill me when Bobby lets him know what happened today. You’re pretty weak from the morning sickness and stressed over this little fight.”

“I’m not talking about sex. I want to be able to change and unchanged in front of my boyfriend.” Cas sighed. “I want to be able to show you my baby bump that I wish I could see on you.”

Dean nodded. “How about I sit down on the couch and you give me a strip show?”

Cas smiled and placed his hand on Dean’s chest. “It’s not gonna be as sexy as you are imagining.”

“Anything you do is sexy, Angel.” Dean kissed Cas gently.

The Winchester sat down on the couch and the Novak slowly pulled off his T-shirt. He wasn’t showing yet at all. Just looked like he had a big lunch. Cas closed his eyes and slowly unbuttoned his jeans. He unzipped the fly to reveal that his boxer briefs matched his hair. Cas inhaled sharply and let his pants fall to his mid-thigh. He stepped out of the denim and stood there in front of his lover. “Uhmm...that’s all I have left.”

“That’s as far as you have to go if you aren’t comfortable, Sweetheart, but I have seen your glorious cock. It’s been all up inside me and good God is it a beautiful muscle.”

“Cause I also like to be a cock tease…at least that’s what you have told me.”

Dean laughed as Cas walked over to his lover. They were both cockblocked by none other than Sam Fucking Winchester. The elder Winchester groaned and answered it. Before he could say anything Sam was already chewing him out. _‘How could you? After everything we have been through and you are still falling into old habits. I understand it’s been stressful with finding out you can’t carry, but Cas can. Then the morning sickness and more hours at work. You could have come to me or somebody and talk about this.”_

“Look, Sam, you can’t possibly understand what I’m going through. The hospital didn’t cure me. It fucking helped, but I still have the same urges, I will forever have doubts and fear. I’m trying, but I slipped. I will forever be plagued with this. It doesn’t help that Cas and I got into a fight and I have been frustrated, so don’t give me that.”

_“You passed out in the storage closet. Bobby doesn’t know how long you had been in there. You could have been dead for all I know. What was so frustrating that made you feel like you had to stop eating? I know it wasn’t because Cas’s soon to be baby bump.” Sam snapped._

Cas watched as Dean’s fist clench and held back tears. “Fuck you, Sam. My reasons don’t have to mean anything to you.”

_“If it’s not important why don’t you tell me?”_

“Cas can’t undress in front of me. It makes me doubt myself. It’s frustrating because his body is better than my ruined skeleton. You don’t have to know everything that goes through my head, Sam. Fuck you and stay home…I’m fine.” Dean hung up and wiped his eyes. Cas patted Dean’s thigh. “I know that was hard for you to tell Sam that. I’m proud of you.”

“No, there is nothing to be proud of, Cas. I lied to you, lost your trust. I should be telling you how proud I am of you for doing this. You made a huge step forward and I took a huge step back.” Dean wiped his eyes again.

“I love you, Dean. One hiccup isn’t gonna change that. Our relationship is built on unity. We help each other through our struggles. We have to have faith that we trust one another.” Cas took Dena’s hand. “We are gonna be Dad’s in a few months. I’m gonna be basically naked and showing off the boys and everything when I’m pushing out our child. I want you to be healthy and able to handle the stress.”

“I’m not gonna fail you again, Angel. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you might not keep. We all fail, but we get back on the horse. You are gonna promise me to talk and try your hardest.”

Dean smiled. “Ok, I promise I will try my hardest no to fail.”

Cas let go of Dean’s hand and slipped his thumbs in this waistband of his underwear. He pulled the fabric down and tucked the elastic band under his cock and balls. “Does this make you feel better?”

“Thought you weren’t comfortable with removing your drawers?”

“You need someone on your side and my cock always makes you happy. I like seeing you happy even if that means sitting on the coffee table in my underwear with my dick out.”

“Thank you. Does this mean I can stay in the room with you while you change at doctor appointments?”

“I’ll think about it.” Cas smirked and watched his soulmate crack a smile. “You know, you helped me start to conquer me fear.”

***

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back. Sorry, guys, i have been dealing with a lot of shit. Long story short, i was having serious anxiety problems and wasn't in the right place to write these types of stories. I am writing and i will be posting, but they will be at a slow irregular pace. I hope you liked the story! <3


End file.
